I am sorry

Two days in a row.
I have ruined
my day,
my life,
my everything.

It could be the best day for me.
And it is supposed to be.
But I have ruined it.

It is all my fault.

Because of me
Everything goes wrong.

I hate it.
Hate the way I am.
Hate the way I ruined everything.

I am sorry.

Sorry for my attitude
towards you.

Sorry for everything.

I wish
I could make things right.

But it looks like I could not.

So I promise
that I will try my hardest
to not ruin everything,
to not make everything goes wrong.

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It is annoying

I am trying.
To be friend with you.
I mean,
A close friend.

But I do not know
whether I am trying hard enough
or not.

But I know I am trying.

It is annoying.
When you are asking me the same question.
Over and over again.

It is annoying.
When you asked me something.
But then,
You are telling me that you know everything.
You know it in a second.

So are you just want to show me that your brain are brilliant?
You can think anything in a second?
The answer just pop out in your brain in a second?
Annoying.

It is annoying.
When I have to wait for you every single day.

It is annoying.
When we are going somewhere,
You are the one who decide everything.

It is annoying.
When I am late because of you.

It is annoying.
When someone call me in class to ask something,
You are the one who replied.

Zuraini, is me.
Not you.

So you want everybody to think that you are clever.
And I'm not.
You are the one who get the answer.
Not me.

It is annoying you know?

But I am trying to understand.
Because that's the way you are.
That is you.

But in the end.
I could not understand anything.
Not even a single thing.

________________________________________________

A friend doesn't mean a best friend.

Yes.
You are indeed my friend.
But, I am not consider you as my best friend.

Do you remember the time when you don't have anyone else but us?
We treat you like a best friend to us.
Even though we don't know you, we still accept you.

Do you also remember
The time when you are saying
"You guys are just a friend, not my best friends."

When I heard that.
I do feel like I'm being betrayed.
I do feel hatred.

We are not your best friend huh?
Well then.
So do you.

So please.
Don't expect anything from me.
You are just a friend to me.
Ordinary friend.
Not more than that.

So please.
Don't ask me,
"Who is more important? A friend or a lover?"

I think you should change that question.
It should be,
"Who is more important? A friend or a best friend?"

He is my lover.
But at the same time,
he is my best friend.

So don't compare yourself with my best friend.
So don't ask me to do anything like I'm your best friend.

I am not your best friend and I am not consider you as one.

________________________________________________

Bila ianya kau

Aku rasa kau dah jauh dari aku.
Jauh sangat.

Aku nampak perubahan kau.
Mungkin sebab aku pun berubah?
Mungkin.

"Haha"
Mungkin kau rasa ianya gurauan.
Tapi bagi aku tidak.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Tak sama macam orang lain sebut.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Aku ingat sampai bila bila.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Maknanya akan jadi lebih besar.

Sedih aku rasa.

Aku perlukan perhatian.
Perhatian kau.
Ye, kau.

Tapi aku semakin diabaikan.

________________________________________________