I am sorry

Two days in a row.
I have ruined
my day,
my life,
my everything.

It could be the best day for me.
And it is supposed to be.
But I have ruined it.

It is all my fault.

Because of me
Everything goes wrong.

I hate it.
Hate the way I am.
Hate the way I ruined everything.

I am sorry.

Sorry for my attitude
towards you.

Sorry for everything.

I wish
I could make things right.

But it looks like I could not.

So I promise
that I will try my hardest
to not ruin everything,
to not make everything goes wrong.

________________________________________________

It is annoying

I am trying.
To be friend with you.
I mean,
A close friend.

But I do not know
whether I am trying hard enough
or not.

But I know I am trying.

It is annoying.
When you are asking me the same question.
Over and over again.

It is annoying.
When you asked me something.
But then,
You are telling me that you know everything.
You know it in a second.

So are you just want to show me that your brain are brilliant?
You can think anything in a second?
The answer just pop out in your brain in a second?
Annoying.

It is annoying.
When I have to wait for you every single day.

It is annoying.
When we are going somewhere,
You are the one who decide everything.

It is annoying.
When I am late because of you.

It is annoying.
When someone call me in class to ask something,
You are the one who replied.

Zuraini, is me.
Not you.

So you want everybody to think that you are clever.
And I'm not.
You are the one who get the answer.
Not me.

It is annoying you know?

But I am trying to understand.
Because that's the way you are.
That is you.

But in the end.
I could not understand anything.
Not even a single thing.

________________________________________________

A friend doesn't mean a best friend.

Yes.
You are indeed my friend.
But, I am not consider you as my best friend.

Do you remember the time when you don't have anyone else but us?
We treat you like a best friend to us.
Even though we don't know you, we still accept you.

Do you also remember
The time when you are saying
"You guys are just a friend, not my best friends."

When I heard that.
I do feel like I'm being betrayed.
I do feel hatred.

We are not your best friend huh?
Well then.
So do you.

So please.
Don't expect anything from me.
You are just a friend to me.
Ordinary friend.
Not more than that.

So please.
Don't ask me,
"Who is more important? A friend or a lover?"

I think you should change that question.
It should be,
"Who is more important? A friend or a best friend?"

He is my lover.
But at the same time,
he is my best friend.

So don't compare yourself with my best friend.
So don't ask me to do anything like I'm your best friend.

I am not your best friend and I am not consider you as one.

________________________________________________

Bila ianya kau

Aku rasa kau dah jauh dari aku.
Jauh sangat.

Aku nampak perubahan kau.
Mungkin sebab aku pun berubah?
Mungkin.

"Haha"
Mungkin kau rasa ianya gurauan.
Tapi bagi aku tidak.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Tak sama macam orang lain sebut.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Aku ingat sampai bila bila.

Bila kau yang sebut,
Maknanya akan jadi lebih besar.

Sedih aku rasa.

Aku perlukan perhatian.
Perhatian kau.
Ye, kau.

Tapi aku semakin diabaikan.

________________________________________________

I am a stalker

I'm still stalking.

It just hard to forget.

No matter how hard I try.

 I still remember everything.

All the memories,

Still with me.

Deep inside.

Well,

What ever we do,

Memories are still memories.

They will  remain inside us.

"It is hard to forget

someone who gave you

so much to remember"

________________________________________________

I will

I just don't like him.

Whatever I do,

It's all seems wrong to him.

I hate it.

Why don't you just leave me alone?

I know I am a burden to you.

I know I am.

But,

One day.

I'll prove it.

I can do better .

Better than you.

Better than anyone else.

I will

________________________________________________

It takes time

I said that I'll not think about it anymore.

But it just came into my mind.

I don't know.

Just please.

I hope this feelings

Will not turn into hatred.

It takes time isn't it?

To forget about the past.

The memories that I've held for so long.

It does takes some time.

________________________________________________

It will never be the same.

Dulu,

Bila kau nak pergi keluar jalan jalan,

Keluar pergi makan,

Keluar pergi pasar malam,

Pergi mana mana pun lah,

Kau ajak aku.

Tapi sekarang,

Kau ajak orang lain.

Lepas “benda” tu jadi,

Kita dah macam strangers.

My friend once said,

“Sebaik mana pun kau berkawan,

Bila dah gaduh sampai macam ni,

Hubungan tu takkan sama macam dulu.

Walaupun dah berbaik,

Tapi takkan sama macam dulu.”

Indeed.

It will never be the same.

Never be.

I am trying,

To be like we were used to be.

But it did not work.

Maybe it is because of,

I am not trying hard enough.

Or it is just me who want to be like we were used to be.

Maybe.

But whatever it is,

I think,

I just need to think positively.

Do not have to think about it anymore.

This is normal.

People come and go.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for a while,

leave footprints on our hearts,

and we are never,

ever the same.”

- Flavia Weedn -

________________________________________________

Hope

Aku sudah tiada di pandangan kau.

Aku sudah tiada di mata kau.

Aku dah jadi macam orang asing bagi kau.

Mungkin sebab aku terlalu berharap?

Berharap ianya akan jadi seperti dulu.

Berharap untuk kau ada di sisi aku selamanya.

Berharap kau yang istimewa buat aku.

Tapi semua tu macam tak mungkin terjadi.

Pathetic.

I need someone,

Who I can tell stories about my whole life,

Who can comfort me when I feel bad,

Who I can be comfortable with,

Who I can do crazy things together,

Who I can say the truth even it hurts.

I thought that someone was you.

I hope.

People don't usually get what they want right?

________________________________________________

Why?

You don't know us.

You don't know me.

Anymore.

Why?

It feels bad.

When someone who makes you feel special,

Don't even understand you.

Don't even know you.

You treat me like her right now.

It sucks.

It hurts.

________________________________________________

People change

I think you're annoying.

Being excited about the same thing everyday.

Show off about how caring he is.

It's just annoying.

It looks like you're glad to have him.

You like to show off about him.

Every time.

I don't know.

Maybe because I'm in a bad mood right now.

Maybe.

You're going out.

Without me.

But you do invite someone else.

It feel sucks.

To know that I am no longer important.

Before this,

You're saying like it was my fault.

For not being by your side anymore.

Okay.

I admit.

It was my fault.

I'm trying to get close to you back.

But,

It doesn't look like we're getting closer.

People change right?

________________________________________________

Allahyarham Muhammad Adam bin Mohd Azuan

Tanggal 12 May 2014, 

Muhammad Adam bin Mohd Azuan,

anak buah saya yang baru sahaja lahir,

telahpun kembali ke rahmatullah.

It must be hurt.

It must be sad.

But I know my family.

They are strong.

They can face this :)

"Allah tidak akan membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya...."

(Al-Baqarah 286)

Kepada umat Islam yang membaca post ini,

diharap anda semua dapat sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah.

________________________________________________

Mother's Day?

It's already 23:15..

And I'm awake.

Still awake.

Hm. I just wanna share what happened today.

Today, I wake up early at the morning!

Hm. That's strange.

Normally. I wake up late when I'm at home.

Because, home is the only place that you can do whatever you want.

You can do anything.

Like bongkang all the day,

which I "rarely" do at UMP. lol

Okay back to the topic.

Why did wake up early in the morning?

It's because I wanna go to the Alamanda.

With Kamil.

Hah! Someone might says that we're going to date.

But it's not really a date.

I brought Alia with us.

At 9am, we went to the Kelab Komuniti Cyberjaya.

We played "buaian", "jongkang jongket", etc at the playground.

Well, I don't what what they are in English.

Oh btw, Kamil called himself "Poksu".

It's because Alia called me "Moksu".

Which, this time, Alia willing to called him Poksu.

Usually she called him Acik Kamil.

She always denied that Kamil is her Poksu.

In fact, he isn't.

Well, not yet.

But, it is weird, isn't?

One hour after,  we went to KFC..

Have some breakfast.

At that time,

I can see some similarity between Kamil and Alia.

They like to bought a big, expensive and a huge amount of food.

The differences is just Kamil is thin, and Alia is not really thin.

Then, mom called.

She want me to help her.

To deliver foods for catering.

Then, the three of us wen to Puchong to deliver the foods.

At that time,

Kamil bersungguh- sungguh help us doing the catering thingy.

Maybe he want to "ambil hati" my brother kot?

Okay. Done with that.

Next, after finished.

We're going back to the KFC.

To buy some foods for my family.

After that, at 1pm if I'm not mistaken,

We went to Alamanda.

Looking some things for Alia to buy.

She want to buy gift for her mom.

Well, it's Mother's Day isn't?

It took a long time for her to chose the gift.

Very long time.

At the end, she chose baby clothes.

Oh! Actually my first sister in law is pregnant!

It's already five months.

Then, it's time for me to choose mine.

I bought a blouse for mom,

and a "Pagoda" t-shirt for dad.

Kamil said it was a Pagoda,

but it is not actually.

Well, it's Mother's Day.

But I bought gifts for mom and dad.

So, it's Parent's Day for me!

Haha.

Whatever it is,

for mom and dad,

well, I know you're not going to read this.

So I'll just say Happy Parent's Day!

The other I'll say directly to you guys.

Hehe.

Okay.

That's all for today.

Good night everyone :)

________________________________________________

Sorry

That day, she's crying.

In front of me.

She said something.

But I don't even care.

Until at one point.

She said that someone took away her best friend.

I am confused.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know how to comfort you.

I just don't know.

When I think back on it,

I don't know who's right who's wrong.

I can't tell.

I can't explain.

I just can't.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong.

I'm sorry because I've hurt you.

A lot.

I know that sorry isn't enough.

But I'm truly sorry.

________________________________________________

Bila aku marah,

tolong jangan cari pasal boleh?

________________________________________________

Maafkan aku

Maafkan aku.

Aku bukannya tak nak jujur dengan kau.

Aku cuma tak nak nampak lemah depan kau.

Aku nak nampak kuat di mata kau.

Ye!

Memang susah aku nak terima keputusan ni.

Walaupun ini keputusan yang aku buat sendiri.

Tapi aku tak boleh mengalah.

Aku tak boleh tunjuk lemah depan kau.

Sebab aku tak nak kau jadi lemah,

macam aku.

Aku nak kau jadi kuat.

Jangan kata kau tak kuat.

Aku tahu kau kuat!

Aku yakin.

Aku kenal sayang aku.

Sumber kekuatan tu bukan datangnya daripada aku.

Semua itu datang daripada Allah.

Bila kau lemah,

cari lah Allah.

Dia sentiasa ada untuk kau.

Dia sentiasa ada untuk hamba-hambaNya.

Sebab aku sayang kau lah aku buat macam ni.

Aku tak nak kita lalai dengan benda dunia semua ni.

Kita dah banyak lakukan kesilapan.

Kita dah terlalu banyak fikirkan keduniaan.

Sekiranya kau baca post ni.

Aku nak bagitahu,

Aku sayang kau.

Sebab sayang lah aku buat macam ni.

Tak ada niat pun dalam hati aku untuk buat kau sedih.

Maafkan aku sekiranya aku menyakitkan hati kau.

________________________________________________

Miserable

My life.

It is so complicated.

I cannot bear with it.

I don't think I can.

And.

I don't think I will.

Please.

Be with me.

Until the end.

________________________________________________

If

If you are the one for me,

you will be.

If you are not,

you won't be.

________________________________________________

Empty

I don't know what to think.

You do not respond.

To what I have said to you.

I felt empty.

Maybe..

I just need to stop thinking about it.

Move on.

Only time will tell.

________________________________________________

I hate you

I wish
I have a courage to tell you the truth.

Oh come on.
I know you don't like me either.

So please do not be silly.
Act like what you should be.
Do not pretend in front of me.

It is annoying to have you in my life.

________________________________________________